I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
