fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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