Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
