i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
