Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
