Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
