i would punch a child for taco bell
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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