Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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