And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
two words: eviction party
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
