Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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