I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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