YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
