I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
farters have to be the big spoon...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
