Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
