Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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