I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
