my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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