Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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