God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
