Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
