Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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