you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
