I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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