I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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