The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Randomize
