Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
