This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Randomize
