i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
