i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
