He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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