soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
