I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
is wine microwaveable?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
