The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
