So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
