Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
