I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
