smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My friends, they love my intelligence
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
