I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
