wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
