Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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