Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she looked like the before picture.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Vodka?
Forever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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