Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
