oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Oh god it's open bar.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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