her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
