my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
