Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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