I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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