Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
