My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
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