my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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