Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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