I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
