Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
