On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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