Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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